This morning I woke up, took my pain meds, and asked Billy if he could give me a shower. We were both pretty nervous about this as we were sure it was going to hurt like hell and we had no idea what things looked like. First he helped me get undressed and take off the surgical vest. Then he had to peel the dressings away from my incisions. OMG OUCH! He was gentle and wonderful but I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

Once the gauze was all removed and the support of the vest was gone I was in agony and still scared to go look in a mirror, but I did. To me my breasts looked so small. They are still very swollen so I was trying to imagine what they will look like when that has gone away. I am covered with nasty looking bruises and the tape over my sutures made me look a bit like Janet Jackson's infamous wardrobe malfunction, only not nearly as pretty.

Billy had to wash my hair and body very gently and just standing there while he did that was excruciating. Once I was dried off and ready to dress I looked in the mirror again and was just shocked. It doesn't look like me and I don't know if I was ready for that or not. I was definitely ready to get that vest back on though. Billy redressed my incisions and got me all buckled in, and it freaking hurt like hell.

Overall I think I feel better today than I did yesterday but I still acutely aware of each incision and bruise. We haven't seem Alan since Thursday morning so I'm missing him like crazy but know that if he were home I wouldn't be able to properly recover.

So today I'm going to rest and try not to hurt too much, ha ha.

I am typing this blog through a haze of incredible pain and I have to wait 3 hours for more pain medicine. :( Yesterday was the big day, Mom, Aunt Pam, Billy and I arrived at the hospital right at 11:00am to check in. I was immediately taken to a pre-op room and given a gown, a funny cap, and surgical slipper things to change into. Then there was a parade of people coming in to see me, explain their role in my surgery, and have me sign consent forms.

I was starving and nervous and when the Dr. came in to do the markings I thought I was going to puke! Billy stayed with me while he marked exactly where he was going to slice and dice. He used a Sharpie and now I know why it's called that, ouch!

I was then ready to go to surgery. They came in and gave me wonderful meds through my IV and I was out. I don't remember going to the operating room although I am told I said goodbye to everyone. :)

The surgery took a little longer than expected, about 4 hours total. I woke up in the recovery room and barely remember talking to the nurse there scared over how things had turned out. Once I was strong enough and alert enough I was wheeled to my room where Billy, Aunt Pam, and Mom waited. I don't remember much about the first several hours there. I am told I couldn't get "Howard the Duck" out of my head and that he was an annoying F'n duck! I have no idea where that came from. Billy told me I was asking him and the nurse to get me "a different sort of waterfowl, a swan maybe." So that was crazy. :P

I had amazing drugs to help with the pain which was still horrible. Billy stayed the night with me in the hospital and we got almost no sleep because of the pain and the vital sign interruptions. The nurses and staff were amazing and when I would start freaking out about how things were going to look or the pain, they were so patient, knowing that the drugs were having odd effects.

This morning all I wanted to do was go home! Around 10am the nurse came in and removed the drains that were put in each bottom incision. OMFG that hurt! The pain pills they gave me were causing me to itch badly so I had to try another pill and stay long enough to make sure it worked. I got to leave around noon.

I had to wear a surgical vest home, which is like a super tight bra that holds all of my dressings in place. I have no idea what my breasts look like as I can't take it off until tomorrow when I get to be given a shower. lol I am SOOOOO nervous for that too. In order to help with shaping the Dr. gave me some liposuction on each of my sides and that is one of the most painful things. I have giant dark purple/black bruises there.

I will wear the surgical vest every day for a month at least to make sure that my incisions heal properly. I have to avoid anything strenuous, driving, and lifting my arms higher than my chest, and most of all I have to deal with this ungodly pain! All in all I am pretty happy so far with how everything turned out but I'm still a little goofy from the drugs which I will be taking for a while and the pain which isn't going away soon. :(

Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes I can't wait to see my new boobies!!!

~Summer

Last week was a very productive one. Brent and I held the training Wed-Fri for Transitional Living Services Specialists which I think went really well. If nothing else we have some great ideas for the next one and met some great potential workers.

Friday Billy and I went to the hospital for my pre anesthesia consultation. It was basically a lot of questions and a brief physical at the end of which I signed a paper indicating I understood I could die while on the operating table. While there they also pre admitted me for the surgery so that Thursday morning I can just go on back. I also got the list of "do nots" for the day of the surgery. Exciting.

This weekend both Billy and I were sick with sinus crap and it sucked. Two sick cranky people and one hyper baby do not make for a relaxing time. Alan was really excited this weekend about football and whenever he saw it, on tv or on Billy's XBox he was crazy! He would jump on the couch yelling "Come on!", "Hit em", "Get it" and a couple of not quite so nice things. He's definitely his parents' kiddo! I remember during the 2003 NBA playoffs Billy and I ran the rest of his family out onto the porch with our team spirit! lol

So now it's Monday and I am starting to stress over the surgery, what happens if I am not ready to return to work next Monday, I don't have enough paid time off and unpaid time really hurts, and what if something goes wrong? I suppose I'll do what I normally do and not think about it, or obsess over it quietly in my head. My mom and aunt are coming down for the surgery; I guess it's a spectator sport. :P It will be great to see them but that means heavy duty cleaning will have to be worked into my schedule at some point in the next couple of days. Something I wanted to do this weekend and somehow never got around to. I am a horrible procrastinator.

Anyway I should quit writing on here and do some actual work. Have a great week!

~Summer

This afternoon Billy is going with me to my pre-op appointment. The time when we decide with the Dr. exactly how much things are going to change and we take even more completely crazy pictures. Fun. I am really nervous. I know that things will be better for me physically once I have this done and it will be great to be able to buy tops that fit me. I'll b able to do more things with Billy like play basketball and maybe start running again (something I haven't done since middle school!).

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to go a whole day without back, shoulder, neck, or head pain. Most days it's a combo of all of them, no wonder I get so damn cranky! My fears are mainly regarding the scarring that will be permanent and the horror stories I've heard of the procedure going wrong.

The surgery is scheduled for the 25th and it seems impossibly close! Wish me luck and send me lots of positive thoughts so I don't chicken out.

Summer

Last night I had no idea, it was Billy's bday and I wanted it to be special. I got home and flung open the fridge, freezer, and cupboards searching for something, anything to fix. My cupboards were nearly bare and the fridge had an odd assortment of veggies from the farmer's market. So I did what any crazy lady would do and I made up a recipe and hoped for the best. lol

I layered some boneless skinless chicken breast cutlets, cabbage, tomatoes, and green peppers in a baking dish and topped it with a weird marinade of soy sauce, worcestshire sauce, water, cajun seasoning, sea salt, brown sugar, and lemon pepper and threw it in the oven. An hour later we had, well something. Actually it was really really good but the cajun seasoning made it too hot for Betsy and Liam to enjoy although Alan proclaimed it "Dishes bass"(translation: delicious bass, you know from Napolean Dynomite). Billy really liked it so I guess that's what matters. :)

I am waaaaayy overdue for a long grocery shopping trip to stock up on the essentials. So last night was fun we just all hung out watching silly YouTube clips and Alan dance. We talked about our plans for the weekend and how Betsy was going to miss great family time to go to a concert with her friends. :P Betsy played the violin beautifully with Alan sadly saying "Bye song" on her breaks. After the kids went home we cleaned up a bit and called it an early night. So it wasn't a huge party or anything special but it was really nice.

This morning Alan was completely naked but luckily he had not made a huge mess as his diaper was only wet and laying in the floor. :) We rushed around to leave early as I had an early meeting and managed to leave just on time and without taking the trash to the curb. :( Oh well the weekend is almost here and I am ready.

Today is Billy's 33rd birthday. It started out wonderful, I snuck out of bed and woke up Alan trying to get him to say "Happy Birthday Daddy!" He climbed into bed with Billy, crawled on top of him and took his face in his hands exclaiming "Appy ithday!" too cute! He then gave Billy real kisses on his cheek, something he has NEVER done, mommy got a couple too. It was amazing.

We don't have plans really but we do have Betsy and Liam tonight and will probably go to the park for some "funning". I have no idea why Alan calls it that but it's cute.

The long weekend will be nice but we have absolutely no plans other than my Mom and Dad maybe coming on Sunday. I hope they do, our families really don't get the chance to come see us. It's been since last December since my Mom and Dad have made it up and over a year since Daddy has. Billy's parents were in Topeka when his Grandma moved here last November I think but we didn't really get a chance to visit.

I think that's my biggest regret. Our kiddos don't have their family around them, Alan doesn't even really know either of our parents. He knows my sister and CJ and their girls and sees lots of pictures of Quintin, Kaden, Gabe, and Ashton but he's mostly on his own. :(

Thankfully Billy's Grandma is in Topeka and he adores her. We haven't seen her as much as we should though with Billy working odd hours at the library and her own very busy schedule. :) I hope that soon we will be able to get out more and see everyone. We owe Brandon and Ashley like 3 cancelled visits and I would love to make it home somewhere for the holidays.

Anyway I am supposed to be hard at work so I should probably start doing that. :P

Have a great Wednesday!

Summer

That is the exclamation Alan is using more and more frequently. At first it was just directed at the dog and used mostly appropriately when she was naughty, now anyone is fair game. Just now I was "very nonnie" and had to "go go go go to bed" because I refused to produce grapes out of thin air. Two year olds really are a handful, it's so hard not to laugh when he does things like that, I don't want to reinforce it but it's so darn cute.

Potty training has pretty much come to a complete halt. For several weeks he was super excited and wanted to use his potty chair all the time, mostly just to sit on. Now he won't even get close to it except the rare occasion when he sits until he has to go and then demands a diaper. Crazy.

He has started sort of changing his own diapers which is mostly not a pretty thing. As soon as he's wet or poopy our very independent child takes the diaper off, flings it down, and marches off naked to find a new one. He puts the new one between his legs and comes to me to fasten it. When it's just a wet diaper it's not a big deal but sometimes......

In other news Billy really is loving his new job. He has his first big assignment to finish by Monday which is a redesign of the www.tscpl.org home page. Alan also loves Daddy's new job since I get off at 4 we are usually at the library a good half hour before Billy gets off. They have a really nice kids place and he loves it. He's always the center of attention with the older kids. Last week a little girl said to me, "Your little boy is so cute. I'm only seven but I've seen lots of little boys and I know when they're cute." I love talking to kids. :) Plus I completely agree with her.

I can't post pics because we don't have a digital camera at the moment. :( I wish I could, Alan is changing and growing so fast and so are Betsy and Liam.

Betsy is in 8th grade this year and will get her learner's permit in November, she is already starting the job hunt. She got her hair cut short and dyed red it's really cute. She wore it in a faux hawk yesterday and Billy and I thought it was cute, I'm sure to her chagrin. She is becoming more and more challenging. When she tells us things it's almost always presented as a challenge for us to disagree with her. :) Guess she has the teenage thing down and from what I've heard may be taking after her Daddy.

Liam is in 4th grade and is growing so much! He is really excited to be back in school and is already planning on being on the honor roll all year, something I'm sure he'll achieve.

I've been super busy with my job, my friend Brent and I are starting trainings for Transitional Living Skills Specialists to work with our consumers who have Traumatic Brain Injuries. I'm really excited about that because I love to train and to talk to people in that sort of forum.

I've been reading the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins and while it is slow going because it requires my full attention, I'm really enjoying it. It's refreshing to hear someone be able to eloquently explain the beliefs that I hold. He is a great writer and though it waxes a little too philosophical at times for my taste, it's probably my favorite book this year.

I guess that's about it I hope everyone is doing great.

~Summer